He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
