I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
