wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
