She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
