I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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