I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
