she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
