Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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