I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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