Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
