theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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