How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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