He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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