he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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