Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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