she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
