glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize