She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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