I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
