I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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