I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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