You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize