If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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