In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
