i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so much tequila, so little girl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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