Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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