what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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