So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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