I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
