can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
