I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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