Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
