he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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