Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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