based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Michael Bay diarrhea
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
