you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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