Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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