I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
