after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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