Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to fling myself into the sun
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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