dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
