New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
