I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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