I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
