I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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