becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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