i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
