Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
