Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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