And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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