your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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