Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My cat gives me a boner
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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