It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
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Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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