Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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