Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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