Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
