If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
