would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
