im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
