I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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