The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
