whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
