Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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