I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
