Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
