one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You pole danced in your parka.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
