Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
