is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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