if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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