Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i dont even know how to be here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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