you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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