And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
