am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize