I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
