Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
